Setting healthy boundaries is essential to have flourishing, close relationships. People are people, and if we don’t have parameters around how we relate to others and vice versa, our communication is affected, physical lines can be blurred, emotional and mental freedoms are hindered, and we become unsure in our spiritual lives of how to be loving and kind, while not pushing ourselves to be and do things beyond what is wise.
God gives us strength to do all things, but He also asks us to walk in wisdom. He wants us to live in peace while leading a full productive life. But if we push and strive all the time with no boundaries in place as to how we live, instead of learning to move in grace and rest, people and situations will soon overwhelm and damage us. Choosing to set boundaries helps prevent damage, relationship breakdowns, and burnout.
We’ve got to know what we value, the season of life we are in, our purpose and what God desires for us in our everyday life. Without that understanding, our boundary lines will always be blurred and can be walked all over.
The person who feels, thinks, and probably is a ‘doormat’ in life usually doesn’t have personal boundaries.
However, when we set boundaries and hold to them, we can assess situations and relationships and see if they are a healthy space for us more easily, and other people grow to respect our boundaries. They often feel safer, and everyone can communicate and relate more deeply because we know where we stand with those we are in a relationship with. Plus, the devil backs off hassling us so much in the area of what we will allow in our lives. The lines are drawn, and it’s known to everyone, including ourselves, “Don’t cross this line.”
I encourage you to consider your boundaries:
What do you value, what is okay with you, and what makes you feel less than who God says you are.
What pushes you to feel exhausted or beaten, and how you can prevent that from happening by putting in some guidelines of what you will and won’t allow in your life.
Consider what is safe, permissible, and healthy, enabling choice, freedom, and connected honest relationships.
Think about how you want to be treated and communicated to—what you expect from others and the behaviour and demands upon your time that are okay with you.
Then prayerfully put boundaries in place to facilitate these values and how you desire to live your life and let people know these boundaries and if or when they overstep the line. Be aware a boundary is also there for you to acknowledge when you need to step back, how much to take on in your schedule, and what wisdom is for this season of your life.
Signs of Healthy Boundaries
Saying no without guilt
Asking for what you need and want.
Taking care of yourself
Saying “yes” because you want to, not out of obligation or to please others.
Behaving according to your own values and beliefs
Feeling safe to express difficult emotions and have disagreements.
Feeling supported to pursue your own goals.
Being treated as an equal
Taking responsibility for your own happiness and
Not feeling responsible for someone else’s happiness
Being in tune with your own feelings
Knowing who you are what you believe what you like.
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8)
“He makes peace in your borders; he fills you with the finest of the wheat “. (Psalm 147:14)
Prayer. Lord, please give me wisdom as to who and what to say yes to and how to say no to myself, others and situations that may arise in my life so I can have healthy boundaries. In Jesus name Amen